My desire to pursue psychology developed when I was ten years old. It developed from my firmly-held belief that devoting one’s services to humanity is the greatest way to repay nature for my existence. It was at this time in my development as a human being that I began sympathizing with other children in my neighborhood, many of whom were struggling in difficult economic times. Although I was raised in a fairly well-to-do family, many children in my neighborhood lacked essential services such as quality education, and healthcare.
The lack of these essential services limited their opportunities for growth. Meanwhile, my parents regularly donated clothing and food to needy families. Their acts of service further led me to develop a sensitivity to understanding the economic, social, and cultural frameworks of the United States. After a lengthy conversation with my mother about ways to effectively help underprivileged people, I determined that one of the best avenues to pursue was psychology.
In pursuit of my dream to become a psychologist, I worked very hard in school where I benefited immensely by having very supportive and encouraging parents, who also strongly believed that an individual has the power to make positive social change in their neighborhood and in their nation. We regularly visited the less fortunate and I came to understand how important it is to promote the inclusivity of all humans. During one of our visits, I met a child whose family had engaged in drug and substance abuse. At one point, the child had become homeless, before a caregiving facility adopted him. When I met the boy, he seemed pensive and he tended to abstain from an active role in conversation. After the visit, I regularly visited the boy, attempting to provide him with the emotional and mental support to overcome past experiences and focus on the future. Seeing the power that emotional support could provide, my love for clinical psychology only heightened, and it became my single-minded pursuit upon entering college.
My first years in college were bright and promising, and I worked hard to ensure that I would actualize my dreams. I embarked on a program of in-depth research on the plight of homeless and economically-deprived children. As a part of this research, I constantly assessed how the government and local communities played a role in supporting their underprivileged populations. I approached one of my favorite teachers and discussed at length the role of a psychologist in promoting the welfare and health of individuals. This teacher connected me with a selfless psychologist with a long history of helping her community, to the extent that she had foregone marriage and family in service to her community. I made several trips throughout the city with this psychologist, providing emotional, social, and economic support in coordination with a humanitarian organization. But over time I started to feel burned out, having less and less time to myself and feeling the psychological weight of witnessing a good deal of misfortune.
The emergence of the COVID-19 pandemic led to global suffering where millions of individuals succumbed to the virus, leaving their families suffering emotionally and economically. While working with the psychologist, I witnessed a lot of trauma resulting from the Coronavirus. And the health conditions of the poor neighborhoods were worse than those of the affluent. I woke up one morning after taking a week off only to find that the pandemic had claimed the lives of several individuals with whom I’d worked. The experience was very disheartening, and I felt that psychology was not a part of me anymore. A lengthy discussion with my mother led to disagreements. They maintained that my initial career choice had been a great one. I reflected on the bonds I’d established with the communities I’d worked with and felt that I was inadequate to the task of helping them. I refrained from further visits to the field, deciding that I needed to further my studies. Now I view myself as a fake student, one who cannot fulfill their course requirements due to their fears.
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